I'm married to a peacock which for me means a gleeful inseminator. Men who are so pleased when they release at the proper point and time and end up impregnating a woman. Woot! They did it! Peacocks love the fact that they have created life and smile modestly when congratulated on their impending child, all the while they are humming the theme to ROCKY in their heads. Don't get me wrong, I love me some peacocks (one in particular fluffs my feathers). I love how excited they get knowing that their creation is earthbound. And the really great peacocks know that the chest puffing can last for a lifetime and even deepen as they evolve as fathers as their children grow into adults.
And it is truly magical to watch a proud papa with their progeny. The delight they take in the development and antics of their children makes them parents that are fun to be around. The involved dad is a great peacock partner.
Yet, as a new mom I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard Tim (i.e. my peacock) complimented simply for chasing our toddler through Target. The approving smiles and comments are warranted (Tim IS a great dad) but I have never received similar accolades for the same actions. So while moms are being torn apart for their decision to work or breastfeed or other assorted hot-topic issues, involved dads are basking in all sorts of love just by...being there. Doing what great dads do: feeding their babies, playing with them, reading to them, rocking them to sleep, bathing them, etc.
I truly don't mean to sound ungrateful for my own love, and I certainly don't take for granted how amazing it is when he comes home and whisks the babies away so I can regroup; but do I need to think of him as extraordinary for doing this? Should it not be the expectation of a co-parent? According to the reactions I've witnessed, it has NOT been the expectation of fathers and therefore an involved dad is a novelty to be celebrated.
True story: I was speaking to my Oma a few hours after my 27-hour labor with Wyatt and she gushed for minutes on end about how awesome Tim was for "hanging in there" the whole time. An extreme and funny example but I do think it is a propos of how lauded men are when they move past their initial peacock perch and start to nurture their little chicks. And, to throw in the martyr gauntlet, is it fair that mothers have to do these things or risk being called "incompetent"and/or uncaring?
As a final aside, just to prove how funny and awesome my peacock is, THESE are the types of things he'd buy for our babies: fart shoes.
Dell!
ReplyDeleteI so love your momma blog, and I can relate with so much of what you write. The "mom" title -- yep, I am now driving a Dodge Ram 1500 truck with a Hemi engine (whatever that is!) so it can pull a boat that 3 boys are so in love with. I spend 2 hours per day at tackle football practice, and the rest of my hours mediating conflicts (with more of a scream than a calm, soothing voice), and what do I hear most when I pick up my boys from school? "Hi, "Joey's mom!" or "Hi, Danny's mom!" Still, I love it all.
Books -- yea, hardly ever get to read one.
Body -- I hear ya! And might I recommend a tummy tuck? Gift to myself when the remnants of two 10+ pounders just wound.not.go.away.
I won't continue to ramble on. Just know I am with ya! And I can't wait to keep reading!
Cheers!
Jacki
Least favorite line ever-"So your husband is babysitting tonight?"
ReplyDeleteSeriously, people. I'll tell you he ain't getting paid (except in unending love and affection from his children and his wife.) I rarely if ever even hear these comments any more. I have taken to completely tuning them out. What I hear more and continue to be frustrated by is the fact that mike and I, who I believe are about as 50/50 as two people can get in the parenting department, are still far from the norm in our 2-working-parent society. Craziness! I still don't know how people do it with so little support. People-sperm are parents, too!!