Last week my 19-month old shimmied in the middle of Baby Gap. The Gap conglomerate does tend to play a totally rad soundtrack, but the shimmy was new...but not necessarily unexpected. Raising Evangeline means to expect the unexpected; I think this is an ad campaign and it must be good as it is seared into my brain enough that I am using it to describe my child.
She is our first baby and from the moment she was born she demanded attention. Any baby that takes 31 hours after water breaking to appear is clearly not willing to be told what to do. I'd read so many books in preparation for this baby yet she required that I read even more when she arrived as I had not prepared for this kind of baby.
I cloaked myself in Dr. Sears' Parenting the High-Needs Baby and took comfort that there were babies even MORE demanding than my sweet baby; babies even MORE insistent than my darling girl. I felt horrible that others harrowing stories brought me solace, but they did. I used to repeat the belief that babies that are high needs tend be very smart, focused, motivated, and successful kids and adults. No one needed to outline the studies for me, point me to the research on high-needs babies versus the dullard ones (kidding, kidding)--I NEEDED to believe that it was true.
Yet, the proof woke me up every morning by screaming for attention and bursting into giggles and sun-filled smiles when I picked her up. This baby nursed voraciously and gave me blinks and nods of approval while eating away. This baby started walking at ten months. This baby resisted all efforts at a sleep schedule. I adored this baby. She wore us out, caused much worry and questioning (what in the HELL were we thinking?!), but she consumed our hearts.
I just realized this is in past tense. I must be reflecting the realization that she is not a high-needs baby anymore. As a toddler, she is a force of nature, yet her mercurial behavior has subsided (mostly) leaving behind a very loving, delicious toddler. Again, just when I thought I knew what to expect...
Monday, July 12, 2010
Holy Crap! That's me!
Last week I was driving my two babies around as we completed a cycle of endless tasks when it all of the sudden hit me: holy crap! I. Am. The. Mom. Seriously. It took me two years to realize this. Unbelievable.
My older baby is 19-months old and I still often write "Judy Adams" when I am asked to name the mother at the pediatrician's. I mean, afterall, she is MY mom so surely that's who they are asking for, right? Much to my continuing disbelief, they mean ME! I. Am. The. Mom.
My younger child is almost three months, yet on the family tree his first-year calendar asked me to complete, I named MY grandparents instead of my parents as grandparents. So oblivious was I to the obvious, that I considered writing the company and asking them to "fix" the family tree portion as they had not provided enough spaces.
Eventually it becomes real, right? Do I struggle with it because it means accepting that I have entered a remarkably different stage in my life? Will I start wearing mom jeans? I already wear sensible shoes and am not a fashion maven; does being a mom mean my fashion standards will fall even further? I've already realized that my family wants to see my babies more than me (totally ok) and that gifts from everyone except my husband will mostly take the shape of family or baby gifts (again, totally ok). Will my car choices always reflect the number of car seats and space we need for assorted accoutrement that accompanies a growing (literally!) family.
Does this mean that I always have to be selfless? patient? controlled? Three traits that I struggled with before children . Maybe that's the ultimate challenge of being a mom; having to embrace and excel at those characteristics that we struggle with before we have children. Will I think of the "mom" label every time I lean in to kiss my husband or we get handsy with each other?
How do the labels interact? Can I fit "wife, mom, professional, closet dancer, car singer, book lover, vegetarian, earth advocator, friend, daughter, sister, animal owner" all on one card? Is that the order that I see myself? Does this fluctuate? For the last five years, "wife' was my dominant label; now, for survival's sake, "mom" overpowers the others. What does it mean if "mom" is not always my favorite?
My older baby is 19-months old and I still often write "Judy Adams" when I am asked to name the mother at the pediatrician's. I mean, afterall, she is MY mom so surely that's who they are asking for, right? Much to my continuing disbelief, they mean ME! I. Am. The. Mom.
My younger child is almost three months, yet on the family tree his first-year calendar asked me to complete, I named MY grandparents instead of my parents as grandparents. So oblivious was I to the obvious, that I considered writing the company and asking them to "fix" the family tree portion as they had not provided enough spaces.
Eventually it becomes real, right? Do I struggle with it because it means accepting that I have entered a remarkably different stage in my life? Will I start wearing mom jeans? I already wear sensible shoes and am not a fashion maven; does being a mom mean my fashion standards will fall even further? I've already realized that my family wants to see my babies more than me (totally ok) and that gifts from everyone except my husband will mostly take the shape of family or baby gifts (again, totally ok). Will my car choices always reflect the number of car seats and space we need for assorted accoutrement that accompanies a growing (literally!) family.
Does this mean that I always have to be selfless? patient? controlled? Three traits that I struggled with before children . Maybe that's the ultimate challenge of being a mom; having to embrace and excel at those characteristics that we struggle with before we have children. Will I think of the "mom" label every time I lean in to kiss my husband or we get handsy with each other?
How do the labels interact? Can I fit "wife, mom, professional, closet dancer, car singer, book lover, vegetarian, earth advocator, friend, daughter, sister, animal owner" all on one card? Is that the order that I see myself? Does this fluctuate? For the last five years, "wife' was my dominant label; now, for survival's sake, "mom" overpowers the others. What does it mean if "mom" is not always my favorite?
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